My sheets look like a crime scene.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
