Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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