Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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