Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
