so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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