You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
