if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize