Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
