I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
