member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
