3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
