and next time when you feel me up, do it right
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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