I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
