my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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