i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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