Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
please don't ironically join a cult
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