so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
