And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
