Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
