I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
