a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
