There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
