Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
