Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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