She is in my trunk
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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