Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
