I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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