Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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