Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
