foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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