Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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