I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
