so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
