eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
