I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
