Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
