just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
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