You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
