I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize