my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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