Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
