he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm like, not good at living.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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