Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
