Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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