i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
