If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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