Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
