Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
