dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
