Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just had sex on a roof
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
