no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize