Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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