It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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