Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
