You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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