Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
