youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
