I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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