Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
