if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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