Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
