This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
