Just cropdusted the office
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
