You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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