Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
