We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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