Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
