ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
