ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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