dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
